


Emails that Definitely, 100% Happened

by hamperrocks5



Category: Love Simon (2018), Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda - Becky Albertalli
Genre: Awkward Flirting, E-mail, Flirting, Fluff, M/M, follows movie canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-27
Updated: 2018-04-11
Packaged: 2019-04-13 15:04:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14114949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hamperrocks5/pseuds/hamperrocks5
Summary: Emails between Blue and Jacques that we didn’t see, but definitely happened.





	1. Daniel Strikes Back

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of my first fics, hope you enjoy it! Please feel free to leave comments! If there's a subject or anything you want Simon and Bram to be emailing about, leave it in the comments and I'll try my best to do it!

From: frommywindow1@gmail.com  
To: blugreen118@gmail.com  
Date: Nov 21 at 4:00 AM  
Subject: Daniel strikes back

Blue,  
You wouldn’t believe what just happened. It’s currently 3:49 AM and I’m pretty sure I just died. I had the weirdest dream about Daniel Radcliffe.  
My memory's a bit fuzzy right now, although I’m not sure if it’s because my brain’s attempting to repress whatever the hell it just forced me to live through, or if I’m just tired. Either way, I'm ready to fight Harry Potter. It started off pretty normal. I woke up, got ready for a long ass day of school, picked up two of my friends and went to grab some coffee before picking up another one, as per usual. I was pulling up to the drive-through, and I’m almost 99% certain that Daniel Radcliffe showed up, working at the local coffee shop, and handed me five cups of coffee. Can't be sure of anything at this point, but I'm pretty sure my car burst into flames right after that. Quite a rude awakening, to be honest.  
Anyways, I’m heading back to bed now, hopefully with no more interruptions from my good old friend Daniel. I woke up and I knew I had to tell you this, because who else would enjoy listening to my dreams, but you?  
Regretting buying that huge poster of Daniel,  
-Jacques

From: blugreen118@gmail.com  
To: frommywindow1@gmail.com  
Date: Nov 21 at 7:35 AM  
Subject: Re: Daniel strikes back

Jacques,  
I’m so sorry such a terrible thing happened to you. I can’t even imagine what it must feel like to have Daniel Radcliffe give you coffee. By the way, five cups of coffee? If I do the math, you and your three friends only add up to four. Can’t help but wonder who the fifth coffee belongs to. Hopefully, someone named Blue. Totally not hinting anything right now. Either way, when your showdown with Harry comes, I'll be cheering you on. I'm sure that with coffee and Oreos on your side, you can take down anyone you want.  
By the way, I don’t need to be jealous of your dear old friend Daniel, right? Sure, I can’t do magic like he can, but I’m pretty damn good talking to guys who dream about Daniel Radcliffe-I hope.  
Definitely not flirting,  
-Blue


	2. The Birds and the Bees

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to leave requests for what you want Jacques and Blue to talk about next! Also, I really appreciate hearing back from you guys and reading comments, so please do! They motivate me to write more.

From: frommywindow1@gmail.com  
To: blugreen118@gmail.com  
Date: Dec 4 at 6:42 PM  
Subject: goodbye blue

Blue,  
I think I’m actually going to die of embarrassment. Like actually. We always joke about dying and stuff, and how much we wish for the sweet release of death, but I see the light right now.  
My parents walked into my bedroom a few minutes ago and sat me down for the infamous the birds and the bees conversation. I didn’t think my parents would ever do it, but they gave me the whole spiel about a man loving a woman very much, and all of that good stuff. It was awkward, to say the least. I promised that I wouldn’t have sex with girls, and if I did, I had to use a condom. Not like it matters though, because guess who isn’t having sex with any girls? This guy, right here, because he’s gay as fuck. Then again, it’s not like I’m having sex with any guys either. I’ll never get the memory of my dad winking at me and saying, “Have fun, but not too much fun!”, out of my head.  
I’m going to die in this room, huddled in my blankets, starving to death because I can never go out there again, I don’t even want to look at my parents. It’d be nice if you could send some Oreos and Reese’s cups over through email. I want my last meal to honor my favorite food group, Oreos. Goodbye Blue, I wish I got to meet you, and that I had parents who avoided conversations like these.  
-Jacques  
P.S. Please respond quickly, I can feel myself withering away, and I really need some chocolate.

From: blugreen118@gmail.com  
To: frommywindow1@gmail.com  
Date: Dec 4 at 6:59 PM  
Subject: Re: goodbye blue

Jacques,  
I won’t let you down, my favorite Oreo connoisseur. I thought about you being cute and huddled up in your blankets in bed for a little bit too long, but don't worry, I’ve already attached Oreos and Reese’s cups as you requested! Don't go into the light, Jacques! You’re not allowed to die yet, I won’t have any cute guys emailing me if you did.  
I actually think it’s kind of sweet that your parents had the talk with you. Based on what you’ve told me about your adorable, terribly embarrassing parents, it sounds like they love you a lot. I have to say, I agree with your parents, don’t have any sex with any girls! I get the feeling they’re not your type anyway. I never had the talk with my parents, they’re not around too much, so I can’t relate. Although, there was that one time my mom snooped around my browser history and found something super embarrassing when I was like fourteen, so I can relate to death by embarrassment. That was a bad one. You don’t need to hear about that.  
Hoping you receive this before the light takes you,  
-Blue  
P.S. Got your favorite flavor, Halloween Oreos.

From: frommywindow1@gmail.com  
To: blugreen118@gmail.com  
Date: Dec 4 at 7:18 PM  
Subject: BROWSER HISTORY??

Thanks for the goods, Blue. I didn’t think they still sold Halloween Oreos, considering it’s already December. They’re delicious and definitely do not taste pixelated. More importantly, what’s this about your browser history???? I’m barely hanging on, only because I’m extremely nosy and I need to know more about this story. I think the only way I’ll get better is if I hear about fourteen-year-old Blue getting caught looking at porn.  
-Jacques

From: blugreen118@gmail.com  
To: frommywindow1@gmail.com  
Date: Dec 4 at 7:38 PM  
Subject: Re: WHAT BROWSER HISTORY

I dug around at Target for a while looking for Halloween Oreos, but I remembered that I saved a box in case of special emergencies, and I decided that this qualified as one. I wouldn’t have given my last box to just anyone, I only gave them to you because you’re cute, and I like you. Just because you’re going to die without hearing the story, I’ll tell you about it.  
I was fourteen and totally in denial about the whole gay thing, and in order to prove to myself that I wasn’t gay, I decided that jerking off to naked women would prove how heterosexual I was. Brilliant, am I right? Like any other totally straight teenager would, I looked up something about naked girls and boobs, hoping that I would dig it. Yeah, didn’t work out. Still gay.  
Anyways, after that failure, I took a nap and woke up to my mom questioning me about my search history. I didn’t know what to say, so I just smiled at her and waited for her to stop yelling. Not a very fond memory of mine. Glad that you’re alive Jacques! Now that you’ve heard the story, I’m confident that you’ll make a full recovery.  
-Blue, savior of Oreo-starved teenager  
PS: Make the Oreos last, you won’t see Halloween ones for a while.  
PPS: You still like me, right?


	3. stranger danger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jacques and Blue ask each other a couple of questions to get to know each other better. While flirting the entire time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! Sorry, it's been a while since my last update. I'm going to be updating more frequently from now on! I don't really have a set amount of chapters for this, I'm kinda just adding chapters whenever I feel like I have a good topic. Don't forget to leave comments! I really enjoy reading them and I appreciate the feedback.

From: blugreen118@gmail.com  
To: frommywindow1@gmail.com  
Date: Nov 8 at 9:45 PM  
Subject: stranger danger

Jacques,  
When I was a kid, my mom always told me not to talk to strangers on the internet, so I’ve decided to follow up on that rule. Sorry, no exceptions, even for an adorable guy like you. Therefore, in order for me to continue emailing my favorite person, I need to know more about you. I’ve prepared a list of questions that I want you to answer, don't worry though, it's nothing that’ll help me identify you. Without further ado, here are the questions that I’ve created because of my nosiness. It's only fair if you get to ask me questions too, so go ahead!

1\. If all jobs paid the same amount of money, what would you do, and why?  
2\. If you owned a shop, what would you sell?  
3\. What’s an irrational fear that you have?  
4\. Have you ever killed anyone? Yes, that is a valid question, I don’t wanna be wooing an axe murderer. 5\. If you could choose any destination, where would you go for vacation?  
6\. Beach or park?  
7\. If you could have any superpower, what would it be?  
8\. Not a question, but please tell me that your name is something cooler than Jacques. Not that I don’t love the name Jacques. <3  
9\. Top or bottom? :))  
10\. ***IMPORTANT*** What’s your favorite thing about me?

\- Prying into your business, Blue.

 

From: frommywindow1@gmail.com  
To: blugreen118@gmail.com  
Date: Nov 8 at 10:28 PM  
Subject: re: nosy and curious

Blue, I have to say, I agree with you. Stranger danger! I was supposed to be finishing up a few questions for English, but I’d rather answer your questions first. Priorities, right? :)

1\. Easy! I’d be a taste tester for Oreo flavors. It comes with being an Oreo connoisseur. Just kidding, I think I’d like to be an actor. Just think about how cool would it be to star alongside a bunch of famous people. Or a singer! I don’t think I’m that great at singing though, but I have tons of fun doing it. If that didn't work out, I could always be an Oreo taste tester.  
2\. I’d own a coffee shop. Definitely not one of those hipster ones where they serve you coffee in some wacko thing like a tree stump. I’d rather own a simple place where you could just get good coffee, no bullshit. Or you know, I could make it totally gay with rainbow coffee cups and drinks named after LGBT stuff.  
3\. Spiders. Is that an irrational fear? I feel like it’s kind of reasonable. Those 8-legged things are a menace to deal with. Please tell me you aren’t scared of them, because someone has to be the one that gets rid of them, and it’s not gonna be me. I’m not a fan of bugs. At all. Even ants terrify me, to be honest. I’m still cool though, I swear!  
4\. No. I could still be an axe murderer though, don’t let your guard down! You could be my first.  
5\. I’d probably go to Europe again. I went to France a couple years ago with my family, but I didn’t get to see the rest of the continent. I did see the Eiffel Tower though. Spoiler Alert: It’s not that great during the day, it’s way too hot and there’s a bunch of tourists. But it's pretty nice when it lights up at night. Maybe we could go there together one day? :)  
6\. Park. I’m definitely a picnic type of guy, and I could spend hours in a grassy field, surrounded by nature and people. Sometimes I go to the park with a few of my friends, and we just chill there and talk about tons of stupid things, while jamming out to the Bleachers. By the way, is it just me, or are the geese around our area extremely aggressive? I swear they’re always trying to pick a fight with me.  
7\. Invisibility! I’m a pretty nosy guy, so I’d use them for spying purposes. I can’t help being curious. Although, considering you’re the one asking me questions, you might be nosier.  
8\. You’re cruel, Blue. I thought Jacques was a pretty neat name. Now I’m starting to regret it. I think my real name’s pretty cool though. I’m hoping you like it more than Jacques, at least.  
9\. WOW. Blue, I didn’t expect to see this question, especially from you. Hmm, I guess you’ll just have to find out. ;)  
10\. There’s no right answer to that, Blue. There’s a lot of favorite things that I have about you. Maybe it’s the way you make me smile when I read your emails. Or the way you carefully choose each and every word, with your perfect grammar and amazing humor. It’s funny, I haven’t even met you in real life, but I look forward to every email of yours, and I'm constantly thinking about the day we finally get to see each other. You make me really happy, Blue. I think that’s my favorite thing about you actually, the fact that you make me happy. :) Sorry if I got a little bit too deep there. I just really like you.

Anyways, now that I'm done, it's my turn! Looking forward to knowing more about you, Blue.

1\. What's your happiest memory?  
2\. What's the craziest thing that you've ever done?  
3\. If you could choose any time period to live in, which one would you choose?  
4\. If you could meet any famous person, who would it be?  
5\. Beach or park? Sorry, I know that you already asked me this one, but it's a good question!  
6\. How many toddlers do you think you could take on in a deathmatch scenario? Don't ask why I asked this question, I don't even know why myself.  
7\. How’s life? What's new? I need all the details, I’m getting more and more nosy by the second.  
8\. What’s your favorite animal? Important!!!  
9\. Top or bottom? ;) Two can play at this game  
10\. What's your favorite thing about me? :)

-Being nosy, Jacques

From: blugreen118@gmail.com  
To: frommywindow1@gmail.com  
Date: Nov 9 at 12:45 AM  
Subject: you’re making me blush

Thanks for taking the time to answer my questions, Jacques. I can see that you put in a lot of effort into answering them, so I’ll do the same. By the way, I really like you too. :)

1\. I think it’d be the time I won my first sports game with my team. I don’t want to be too specific, but I made the winning point after a really intense game. After that, I celebrated with my team and my best friend treated me out to a really good comfort food. That day was really wholesome. :) Although, there is one thing that happened recently that could replace that memory. A few months ago, I made a post on creeksecrets, and a really adorable guy emailed me after. We talk a lot now, and I'm really happy. It's pretty close to becoming one of my favorite memories.  
2\. Gee, I don’t know. I’ve done a lot of pretty crazy things before. Though, there was that one time I thought it’d be a good idea to consume five full jars of Nutella in one sitting. I do not recommend. It tasted so good at the time, but the resulting cataclysm in the restroom was really something else.  
3\. To be honest, I’m pretty sure that the time period we live in right now is probably the best for me. Being gay back then pretty much sucked ass, and no, not in a sexy way. Also, emailing didn’t exist back then either, so messaging cute boys with French names wouldn’t be possible. :)  
4\. Obvious! Barack Obama. He’s the best of the best, and he’s just chilling right now after his presidency, and I’d love to relax with him and talk about Trump destroying his legacy.  
5\. Can I choose both? I’m gonna choose both. I love the sound of ocean waves crashing on the beach, and I always liked collecting seashells and naming them. I also have a deep appreciation for long walks on the beach at sunset, and I’d like it even more if I had a cute guy to hold my hand and walk with. :) I really like the park too! You are not the only one who’s had to deal with aggressive geese. This one time, I was unwinding at the park with my best friend, and a bunch of geese started following us everywhere. It was funny at first, but then they noticed our sandwiches and started chasing us around, eventually they ran us out of the park. Yes, I am now terrified of geese, and I’m ready to throw hands if they come near me.  
6\. Hmm, that’s a real hard one. I don’t know. I’m sure I could take down a considerable amount of toddlers, but I’d get tired at one point. I’ll show no mercy though! If a horde of toddlers attempts to take me down, I’m not going down without a fight. Maybe I’ll set up some traps like from “Home Alone”. I’d use every tool at my disposal, including jars of Nutella and boxes of Oreos. Don’t know what I'd use them for, but I'd figure it out eventually.  
7\. I think it’s safe to say that this is the happiest I’ve been in a long time. It’s college application season, and I’m a little bit stressed about that, but my life is going really well right now! Halloween just passed, and I had a good time at a party last week. My grades are great right now, and I have almost no homework. Senior year is going really well! I'm hanging out with my friends pretty often, and we do tons of stupid things together. Also there’s this really cute guy that’s been emailing me for a while! I really like him even though I don’t know his real name, or how he looks like. He’s really funny and loves Oreos. I’m a little bit lonely. but I was even lonelier before I met him. He’s totally not you, by the way.  
8\. I’m a lover of all animals. Geese excluded. But Jacques, I think my favorite animals are dogs. I always wanted one as a kid, but my parents never let me get one. I love dogs so much, they’re so ridiculously cute and I just find it so adorable how they love you so much, and they always get excited whenever you come back home. Now I just really want to hold a puppy and wrap him up in a burrito blanket and cuddle with him. My vision for the perfect future is basically a house with a husband and many, many dogs. You mentioned having a dog before, and I really hope that one day I get to meet him and feed him kibble, and spoon him. Whew, I’m really excited right now. I can’t stop smiling. I love dogs. A lot.  
9\. Top. Hope we’re compatible. :)  
10\. I had a feeling you were going to ask me this question back. :) I too have a lot of favorite things about you. I love that I can tell you almost anything, and you won’t judge me. I stay up way too late waiting for your emails and responding to them sometimes. I get super excited whenever I get a notification on my phone, only to be disappointed when it’s not an email from you. I like to think about you. A lot. Maybe more than I should. My best friend told me that I’ve been in a really good mood recently, and he’s always catching me smiling at my phone. I love that you love Oreos more than life, and that you have an incredible sense of humor. You're incredibly thoughtful, and a lot of fun to talk to. I don’t think I’m ready yet, Jacques, but I want to meet up with you someday. I can’t imagine how it’ll feel like to hold your hand, or hear your voice. And, you know, how all the other things that I want to do to you will feel, making out included. ;)

Hope you enjoy reading this! I know I enjoyed reading your answers. :) It’s getting pretty late, so I’m about to knock out. I’ll talk to you in the morning, Jacques! Don’t forget to finish your English assignment.

-Dreaming of you, Blue


End file.
